Lonely weekend
This weekend was a pretty lonely one. We had a nasty wind storm starting late Friday night and moved into most of Saturday. I ended up going into work on Saturday to make up some time from when mom was here. Getting to work was awful. There were trees down and power out - mostly street lights from what I could tell. I'm glad I went into work as I would have just sat home and done nothing. After that I ran som errands, grabbed a couple of movies and went home. I hate spending nights alone. I guess before this last break up I was used to being alone. Now I hate it. I want to go out, but all my friends are coupled up. I don't like being the third wheel and I don't like feeling like they asked me to hang out because they're worried about me or they feel sorry for me. I hate that feeling and I feel that way all the time.
Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday and since the Seahawks were in it for the first time I decided to watch it. The game started at 3 so I spent most of the morning depressed. Depressed because it was the first weekend I was really truly alone. Mom wasn't there, and everyone else was off with their other half. So I decided to go out and take some pictures. I had a half a roll of film left in two cameras so I went out. Which wasn't too bad. I went to Jefferson Park over in West Seattle. And as I was walking I heard a girl talking all about the preparations for her wedding. As I listened, I realized I knew her. I was already in a awful space, so I basically tried to get out of there as fast as I could. I'm happy for her. I really am, but I don't need to hear about someone else's happy life when I just don't understand how mine made a complete 180.
So I went back home to watch the game. Which I spent most of the game upset. Upset because I could picture what I would be doing if I were still with my ex. No matter what I did, I couldn't get past that. I knew we would be at his friends house, watching the game, eating, drinking and having fun.
I spend my time getting psyched up to go out and when it comes down to it, I really don't want to go out and I don't want to do anything. I want my old life back.
Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday and since the Seahawks were in it for the first time I decided to watch it. The game started at 3 so I spent most of the morning depressed. Depressed because it was the first weekend I was really truly alone. Mom wasn't there, and everyone else was off with their other half. So I decided to go out and take some pictures. I had a half a roll of film left in two cameras so I went out. Which wasn't too bad. I went to Jefferson Park over in West Seattle. And as I was walking I heard a girl talking all about the preparations for her wedding. As I listened, I realized I knew her. I was already in a awful space, so I basically tried to get out of there as fast as I could. I'm happy for her. I really am, but I don't need to hear about someone else's happy life when I just don't understand how mine made a complete 180.
So I went back home to watch the game. Which I spent most of the game upset. Upset because I could picture what I would be doing if I were still with my ex. No matter what I did, I couldn't get past that. I knew we would be at his friends house, watching the game, eating, drinking and having fun.
I spend my time getting psyched up to go out and when it comes down to it, I really don't want to go out and I don't want to do anything. I want my old life back.
posted by Becky at 8:22 AM
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