Why is this so hard?

I spent last weekend getting ready for my friend to come into town. Actually, it wasn't the whole weekend. But I did spend Saturday doing a lot of nothing. I went to West Seattle to Campl Long to walk. I needed a change of pace from my neighborhood. And I think it might have been a bad idea. I spent the whole time thinking about my ex. Not bad things, but thinking about our relationship and the good stuff and trying to work out in my head where it was that it changed for him. It's not that I'm mad anymore. I'm not. I'm just frustrated. I just don't understand what happened. And to get an email from him, out of the blue, just when I was getting to a point where I wasn't thinking about him. I know he didn't mean any harm. Or at least I hope he didn't. As far as the break up goes, I feel like I'm right back where I started... back trying to figure things out that I can't ever really know the answers to because he's got the answers. I'm frustrated and upset that he hasn't emailed back. And I think I'm even more upset that he emailed. So much can get misunderstood in emails. There's no sense of tone in an email. So now I'm left to try and decipher his email. If he was hurt by my response, that was not my intention. Again, emails can me be misunderstood. I just need answers in order for me to be able to really fully move on. So, I guess, if you're reading this... pick up the phone and call. I just want to be able to get past this so we can be friends. I truly believe that there are reasons that you are attracted to the people you choose to date. Even after that physical part dies there's still all the other qualities that are there. And if they do not lead to the "big love" they can lead to really great friendships.

It's hard to admit you're wrong

Well, i guess the lack of response from the ex means that I was wrong about him. I think that's the hardest thing to take. It's hard to admit you're wrong about someone you cared about and someone you thought cared about you. What can you do? Admit that you were wrong and move on...

that's to be expected

So no response from the ex. That's to be expected. If I hear from him again, we'll go from there. I think he's had it. I think he's tired of explaining himself. But he's got to understand that he lied to me. He lied to me for over a month about how he was feeling. Not only that but the way in which he broke up with me was hurtful. Even if he didn't intend for it to be that way, it was. You can't just walk back into someone's life after that and expect everything to be ok or for everything to be forgotten. Oh well, no sense worrying about it. I finally got my bike home and then I got the stomach flu and can't get out on the bike. If it's not one thing it's another...

Man it's be awhile

I've been so busy with work and with the triathlon that I forgot about the blog. I guess that's a good thing. I've been hitting the pool at least 3 times a week which has definitely helped my overall attitude. I still have moments when I get sad, upset or angry, but they are few and far between. Also the Soprano's season has started again, so the house if full on Sunday nights. And let's see what else... oh yeah, I ot an email from the ex. He just wanted to say hi or something. That was on Thursday. I wrote back and asked him what it was he was wants from me. I'm not mad or angry that he emailed. I'm happy that he did. But he needs to be honest with me about why he emailed. As well as needing to be honest with himself. I can only figure out about 5 reasons - guilt, regret, loneliness, horny or he sincerely wants to be friends. If and when he ever writes back, I'll let you know what he says. I honestly don't know what to think of this new development, but I'm not going to read anything more into it.

things are looking up!

Aside from the random bull that usually happens around a full moon, I definitely feel like things are starting to look up for me. I've been going to the pool at least 3 times a week, I'd like to get up to 5 times a week, so we'll see how that goes. I also posted a thing on craigslist for a cheap road bike for a short gal. And a super nice woman responded and gave me her old bike. It's not an older bike but she said that she used it in the past 2 triathlons and it's served her well and she wanted to give her bike to someone who would use it and appreciate it. I'm working on the outside and it's also helping clean up the inside.... if that makes any sense.

Hurray! the weekend is here.

Nothing too new to report. I've been swimming and working on my website. I'm just trying to figure out where I fit and what it is I want out of life. I guess that's a lot to ask for a weekend.

OK.. back on track

Well, hopefully everything's happened. I honestly think that my new slogan or mantra should be "Well that happened." Because there's really nothing else I can say. I'm trying to do everything right and yet, the curse of the "bad luck girl" strikes again. I guess I'll have to figure something out. This can't be what I'm in for for the rest of my life.
I'm just getting ready to go to the pool to get back into training for the triathlon. I'm glad I signed up for it. I think it's going to be great. Just to give me something positive to focus on and to help me get back in better shape. Part of feeling the way I do is because I'm not happy with the way I look. I feel like a bump on a log and I want to change that.
I'm also hoping to enter a couple of my photos into a couple of photo competitions. Here's hoping for something positive!

OK.. back on track

Well, hopefully everything's happened. I honestly think that my new slogan or mantra should be "Well that happened." Because there's really nothing else I can say. I'm trying to do everything right and yet, the curse of the "bad luck girl" strikes again. I guess I'll have to figure something out. This can't be what I'm in for for the rest of my life.
I'm just getting ready to go to the pool to get back into training for the triathlon. I'm glad I signed up for it. I think it's going to be great. Just to give me something positive to focus on and to help me get back in better shape. Part of feeling the way I do is because I'm not happy with the way I look. I feel like a bump on a log and I want to change that.
I'm also hoping to enter a couple of my photos into a couple of photo competitions. Here's hoping for something positive!

Seattle - I get it. It's time to move

So this weekend was pretty uneventful. I missed my knitting class. I thought it was on Sunday and in fact it was on Saturday. Fortunately for me, they're super nice and they just gave me a credit so that I can sign up for the next class. I did all my running around yesterday and got home, rested a bit and then ran my rent check over to the landlords. I got up this morning and found my driver's side window completely knocked out. Thank God for safety glass. otherwise my driver's seat would have been covered in broken glass. I look in and nothing was stolen. It looks like they tried to take the radio but for some reason couldn't. Nothing was really damaged - nothing but the window and the trim around the radio console. Everything still works. So I call the police... again. This is the 3 time in 6 months that I've had to call the police about my car. The first time it was stolen. The second time they stole my license plates. And now this. I call and the woman was less than pleasant. I was doing my best to be nice under the circumstances. She asked me if the car would start. Well I'm not sure. I don't want to move anything if you all are coming out. To which she replied "Well we won't clean up the glass." Ok thank you for the attitude. So I replied with, "Well perhaps you should work on fixing the crime in my neighborhood. This is the 3 time I have called about something in 6 months." She shut up a bit.
So now I get to pay $200 to have my window replaced. As well as flyer the neighborhood and start a neighborhood watch program. Because I just don't have enough to do.

I also am getting the feeling that Seattle does not want me here. Never have I ever felt like the city was out to get me.

Bad Luck Girl, strikes again

So after getting my car fixed... $350 later, I leave the repair shop. I make a stop at Trader Joe's on the way home (about 8 blocks away from the repair shop). I walk out to my car and the back tire is completely and totally flat. I call a couple of friends, and one suggests that I call the repair shop. Good point. I should do that. So I do. They come down, put air in the tire and don't notice any sort of leak. And quite honestly it's hard to deal in a partking lot. So I drive to the Firestone place by my house. They take the tire off and patch it. Apparently there was a piece of metal stuck in the tire. $20 and about 45 minutes later, I head home. I get up in the morning, get in my car and start driving... I get about 3 blocks from the house and think, "My car is not supposed to make that kind of noise." I pull over as soon as I can and realize the same tire, the tire that was flat and then fixed, was flat again. I call my friend and he's now on his way to help me put the do-nut on. I unlock trunk, pull the do-nut out and realize I have half a jack and no tire iron. So my friend show's up, we try his tire iron but it's too big. So we go back to my place, call Firestone and they come out to change the tire and follow me back to their shop. Another 30/45 minutes later, it's apparently a leaky valve. No charge... Gee thanks. It was your expert that somehow missed that pesky little leak. I must have been a used car salesman or have run a sweatshop filled with children workers in a former life. I have been punk'd by the universe yet again.
As for dealing with the doctors at UW Medical center... I've decided that this is the universes way of saying, I should do this without medication. So we'll just see where this road takes me.